Evening Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's leading hosts used the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday song directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial plan that allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.